Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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