I want to make a zoo with you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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