I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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