i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
