i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
