there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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