Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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