New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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