my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
