You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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