So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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