he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize