Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
