Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
