I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
