In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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