Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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