uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
