Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
