How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
