Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Non-Jews are for practice
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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