i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
