Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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