Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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