ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
