I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I touched a dick in church today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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