the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
