I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
