Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
