onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
