so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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