doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
