I hate your face
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
