i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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