i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
