Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
