Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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