I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
