omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
