Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Boobs speak an international language.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize