You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
