I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
