Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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