walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
