First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
