Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
did i just pee glitter
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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