Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
