Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
