And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
