I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
