Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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