first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
