You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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