I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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