I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
