so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize