just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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