Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize