Im at strip club and am horny
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
