One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
