Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
