Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
