you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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