remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
