I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
