Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
